| (2003-09-03) Mixed Feelings i don't know what happened. i drink 3L of water a day, and stay out of the sun as much as possible, but something went wrong. i thought it was malaria- i had all of the effects of it... rigors (body shakes), headache, severe back pain, all over pain (it hurt to touch my skin), a fever, vomiting, no appetite... it was horrible... i had to call the VSO nurse at nearly midnight because it wasn't getting better. at that point, i was hyperventalating, and could hardly drink water because my hands were shaking so much. she brought me to the office, gave me something to keep the fever down, some rehydration salts, and some antibiotics for my bladder infection- which is a kidney infection now, i think- as my back pain hasn't decreased at all in the past couple of days,which is a sign that the infection has spread. i feel better this morning... but the back pain is still severe. i'll live though- which is good- because i wasn't sure if i was going to last night or not. right now, there's nothing i want more than to pack up and leave this stupid country. is this fucking normal? am i allowed to be this much of a wimp? i don't believe in what i'm doing here, and even if i did, i don't think i'd make that much of a difference anyway. this country is in shambles, and i'm here to teach fucking computer skills of all things? it's hopeless. and i feel helpless. (well, right now, anyway. there are many times throughout the day where i feel great about being here.) |